The Death Rocker

I am no grunge rocker but still punk rock is in the rock family and i do listen to Nirvana once in a while. But this is a great article that tells about a musician's frustration for the loss of his passion to something that has been his life's work. Putting aside the fact that suicide is no way of resolving such predicament, much of what he thought of are sensible. As much as people would condemn him for committing suicide i find a part of him which i think that people do sympthise. Give it a read.

Kurt Donald Cobain suffered from bronchitis and intense stomach pain since childhood and he later experienced bouts of depression. In the 1980s he formed the band Nirvana, with a small group of friends. After a period of little recognition or commercial success, Nirvana became, in the early 1960s, the most prominent of the alternative rock, or 'grunge' bands, The release of the band's influential 'Nevermind' album in 1991 and particularly the 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' single taken from it saw Nirvana, and Cobain especially, become an important influence on the post-Punk 'Generation X'.

The rise in the group's fortunes and his high-profile role in it did little to improve Cobain's state of mind and his health deteriorated. In 1986, being already a heavy user of various drugs, he had begun to self-medicate his chronic health problems with heroin. He later stated in an interview:

"It started with three days in a row of doing heroin and I don't have a stomach pain. That was such a relief,"

After one failed suicide attempt and a subsequent failed detox programme, Cobain shot himself, at home in Lake Washington, on 5 April 1994.
The last words he spoke aren't known, but he did leave a suicide note, addressed to his imaginary childhood friend 'Boddah':

To Boddah
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, the ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things. For example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins, it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seem to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd, which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had as a child. On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know! I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become. I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along and have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess. Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody, baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out then to fade away.

Peace, Love, Empathy. Kurt Cobain.

Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar. Please keep going Courtney, for Frances. for her life will be so much happier without me. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU 

The above article was taken from phrases.org.uk  

"This is a blog where the words are erratic and the stories don't matter much"

Hmm...sounds like somebody's line eh..whose line is it anyway? Just another day in the office..but the 'dwellers' are much fewer today since everybody's taking a holiday streak until next week all through Hari Wilayah and Chinese New Year. I've been in the morgue several times when i was working in Ipoh GH and i'd say here is more quiet.

They say "geat things happen to great people" and so i guess that is one fact i would love to hate. Why don't great things happen to normal people like us?(assuming that whosoever reading this is nobody great i should say). Why haven't a meteor shot down to my backyard an accidentally gave me superpowers to beat super-evil villains?...etc.

But then, if i were a wise person i would say that everybody's special in their own way and all that come upon us is very much defined by us instead of the Almighty above. I mean who's to say that those things that happen to us came uninvited or without a higher meaning? What end would it bring or how it would bend the paths of our lives we could never fathom. Back to being great..i guess the shoe is just as big as the foot i'd say. Hard to swallow but i think we would be better off. It's no harm to be an average joe. What matters is that we speak what we ought to speak and do what we ought to do. Life has its joys and comfort in store for us. We just have to seek..good luck

Tiny Overture

It's now rather 'blog your mind' than 'speak your mind' being relevant nowadays. It seems that more and more we are favouring to open ourselves up to billions of strangers in the net in stead of the people who are standing in front of our noses. A fact rather unthought of a couple decades before as it might be thought ridiculous then.

Some takes this new breath of change quite well while others still find it hard to relate to their lives. Whether it is a good transition or not may be disputable but whatever changes of the ways of the world would be inevitable. However so, the way our hearts being judged is the only thing that never changes until the end of mankind.

(Breathing on the window pane..)